Short article about my French Teacher.
Hello everyone… out there, wherever that is.
Normally I write fiction, and it usually involves a little bit of brutality because that’s what makes a story intense, but it also moves it an inch or two away from reality. Stories about murders are often uncomfortable to read, even when you know it’s fiction.
I’m sitting here behind my keyboard trying to be as poetic and profound as I always try to be, but I’m finding it impossible. I’ve got a boat load of friends on facebook right now who don’t really understand how to feel. I guess I should be clear.
On the way home from Sam Ash Music in New York City, I got a text message from a friend of mine asking if I’d heard the news. Well, no. I hadn’t. Apparently my French teacher of three years had been murdered in her home in Newburgh alongside her husband. So said Recordonline.com. I got all the information second hand from friends and spent the next hour in the car next to my mother wondering how to tell her. If she freaked out, it would mean I was going to also, and I didn’t want to.
Telling her, she was fairly horrified, and I asked her if it was alright that I just slam a pair of earbuds into my ears and ignore the world until we got home. She touched my head comfortingly, but I didn’t want it. I just wanted to pretend like I was invisible, which might not be totally original or inspired, but it’s fucking true.
I sat staring out the window drumming along quietly to a few songs trying to think about my new cymbals in the back seat that I was incredibly grateful for but couldn’t give a shit about at that moment. My dad was waiting in front of the house when we got back, but he didn’t know yet. He asked about my cymbals, and I acted the crap out of a brief role I can only describe as “Zen”. I didn’t smile, I didn’t frown, and my mom waited until I was inside to tell my father, because I couldn’t bear breaking the news twice.
I’m still having trouble processing it. My friend Jake who always has something smart to say doesn’t want to talk. My friends Alex and Iram who always seem to be calm are flipping out. Several of the girls in our 12 student level 5 french class have cried themselves to the point of headache, and none of us really know how to react, or if meeting up tomorrow at the local pizza joint is going to help.
Ever have that dream where something tragic happens to your school, whether you be a graduate or not, and all you see are people crying? I hope everyone cries, or at least everyone knows. Speaking with Ashley from French on Facebook a matter of minutes ago, neither of us knew if we’ll be able to walk into room 151 or 173 or whatever the fuck it is on Monday. I keep seeing police crime tape wrapped around the door to the classroom which is horrifically ironic because just this morning I peeled off a strip of crime scene tape from the door to my bedroom, having grown tired of it.
My mom is knocking on my door asking if I want something to eat. Funny how helpless I feel.
Jake’s status on facebook read something about wishing he had been a better french student.
Melissa’s status read “R.I.p mme. Kojtari. I’ll remember you forever.”
My status just read, “Oh man…”
For all the dumb jokes about Madame Kojitari that Jake and I told each other, and for all the stupid things we did in class, she was an awesome person to be around. I never liked her teaching, and I won’t pretend to now, but I grew to love her because more than any other teacher I’ve ever had, she was a real class mom, and almost always lead her class as a democracy.
I don’t have anything else to say, so I’ll just leave it at that.
Peace. Leave a nice comment, it’ll help.
-Adam
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hang in there man. Things will get better
It has to be sheer coincidence that I came across this website.
I don't think we've ever spoken in person but we'd probably know each others faces. I'm BJ and I graduated from your school last year, I was with Mdm. Kojtari for years after our class was originally split up after being with Hutter. When you say she was a class mom, most people don't know the half of it. I owe my placement at this incredible private college all to her. If she hadn't given me so many opportunities to improve my marks in her class, that one C or D would've been the end of my college dreams. She was the determining factor in me getting accepted to this school and she did everything she could because she knew I didn't want to be anywhere but here. God bless her family and everyone effected by this. I hope more people can come across this post.
Hey BJ, yea, I remember you. Thanks for the comment. She was great. I'm glad you can relate to what I said, means a lot to me.
Damn, dude. I don't really know what to say, other than to let you know that I know how you feel. A friend of mine died by her own hand in high school, and while the circumstances certainly aren't the same, the sense of loss and shock is much the same. I'll be thinking of you, and try to take heart from the fact that things will get better over time. Take comfort in family and friends and make a remembrance of this woman who has touched your life.
Thanks man, means a lot to me.
My condolences…
hey susskind i think that we should like make a mini french memorial or something. like maybe a painting or a little statue or an engraving. just a little something
Sounds good Jake. We'll get that together on Monday, or tomorrow. I like the idea.
Adam thank you for your post. I taught with madame and have shared classrooms with her for the past few years. Today has been surreal. I left her in the prep room last night, as I went to pick up my nieces to bring them to see the school musical. Madame was staying through to the show because many of her students were performing. We parted hoping to see each other that evening. Madame was a woman who held her students in high esteem, regardless of their grades or behavior.
Like you, I am trying to drown the images that the empty Record article left me with. I am glad I found this post though, because it reminds me of the place where I will find strength to cope with this…and that is at school. It is students, like yourself, who will remind me of her goodness and her friendship. My prayers and wishes for peace are with you and your fellow students.
Thank you so much for your comment. Hopefully I will get to opportunity to see you in the auditorium on Monday. I think there is supposed to be a service there. Thank you again.
I'm sorry Adam
I've heard so much about this woman from friends of mine I hear she was a great person. this is a beautiful piece btw. Hang in there
Thanks Julie
Im so sorry for your loss Adam.
i agree with bj people really dont fully understand fully her being the class mom
and after being with her for three and a half years were more like a family then any
class im in. even though ive always been terrible at french she never treated me any differnt
and were all gonna get through this. and we will do something in her memory
yea, we'll do something
hey if theres a memorial on monday we should like prepare a speech from our class. not in french though, i doubt many will understand what we are saying. us being her super advanced class and all i think that we should do that
Adam. this is beautiful. i didnt even have her as a teacher and it made me cry. RIP<3
Thanks Sam
I don't know you, nor am I near you, but I want you to know that this reached out from where you are and touched me. It feels a bit strange to be affected by the death of someone who had nothing to do with my life. I think what you are doing with this piece is incredibly just. I did not know your teacher, but I can see that she would be proud of you right now.
Thank you, Drew. I'm glad this did her some small bit of justice.
Hey man, I just found out. That's crazy to hear. Sounds like she was an awesome person and really meant a lot to people. Anything you need, you know i'm just up the road a bit. Peace,
Chris K.
Hey my man. Thanks. You're a good friend
Hi. I'm new on the Ficly site but I wanted to express my condolences and offer a sense of shared strength and unity through these difficult times. Try not to dwell on the horror of the crime, but instead offer comfort to others by remembering your teacher as she would want to be remembered and sharing your memories. Doing so will benefit yourself almost as much as it benefits others and dilute some of the pain. My thoughts are with you.
~Robert Quick
Hey Rob. I've seen some of your stuff on FIcly, good writing. Thanks for the comment.
Hi, i'm ilir kojtari, the oldest son of hiria, aka irene. she loved teaching very much, and would mention her students to me as she was grading papers and tests when I would come up from Maryland to visit. your feelings match mine in many ways. your honest commentary actually put a little smile on my face, but I don't know why. thank you all for the support, prayers and….i dunno, heartfelt feelings.
Hey Ilir, I'm honored that you feel I've done some small bit of justice for her. It means a lot to me coming from you. I wish you and your family all the best. If you ever need anything, I'm here. Thanks so much for commenting.
Thanks Nichole
Thanks man.